October 16, 2009
Renton, WA--Efective today, Wizards of the Coast announced it is raising prices on its Digital Initiative by 25%. Fresh off a move this past summer that saw prices already raise by 20%, this move is certain to anger some fans still upset that the long-promised Virtual Tabletop has been indefinitely delayed. However, the entire library of pdfs will be available to purchase for Digital Initiative subscribers for up to $5 off the print copy price…
October 17, 2009
Bellevue, WA—Effective today, Paizo Publishing is reducing the price on its Pathfinder subscription line 10% across the board. Fresh off offering the pdf of their game for $9.99 in August and a pdf Customer Appreciation Sale this past spring, this move is certain to delight some fans pleased with the continuation of discounted Paizo products…
Janaury 12, 2010
Renton, WA—In what has become a dreadful post-holiday tradition at Wizards of the Coast, WotC has fired beloved designer and D&D frontman Scott Rouse, along with 11 other departmental positions. This is not expected to impact the release of WotC's Digital Tabletop, which the company promises is coming out "very soon". The firing of Rouse is certain to anger some fans who felt he was the only one at Wizards of the Coast who understood Wizard’s fans from a “gamer’s” point of view….
January 13, 2010
Bellevue, WA—In what has become welcome news in a thus-far depressing post-holiday season, Paizo has hired beloved designer and former D&D frontman Scott Rouse to work on their Pathfinder RPG line. The hiring of Rouse is certain to please some fans who felt he was the only one at Wizards of the Coast who understood Wizard’s fans from a “gamer’s” point of view.
June 22, 2012
Renton, WA—John Gladstone, who replaced Greg Leeds as Vice-President at gaming company Wizards of the Coast, was accused today of cruelty to animals by kicking an adorable small puppy that piddled on a display outside a gaming store touting the release of D&D 5th edition. He followed this up by punching a small, recently-orphaned child who was attempting to assist the dog. This is not expected to impact the release of WotC's Digital Tabletop, which the company promises is coming out "very soon"…
June 23, 2013
Bellevue, WA—Paizo Publisher Erik Mona was lauded today by several animal-rescue groups for rescuing an adorable small puppy that had been kicked by Wizards of the Coast Vice-President John Gladstone. To celebrate, Mr. Mona sang to orphan children at the local cancer hospital, donated parts of his kidneys to several, and later took them all out for ice cream.
March 14, 2058
Rentoncity Washingtonplace—Representing the giant corporate conglomeration that controls the majority of the post-nuclear holocaust ex-United States West Coast, the Wizards of the Coast Mega-Corp today announced plans for a super robot soldier (the Flamestrike Deathdealer) that will destroy the last hope of democracy, the United Republic of Bellevue, led by Erik Mona III. Additionally, the Flamestrike Deathdealer is being touted as the measure that will “stamp out electronic piracy once and for all”, despite both the Deathdealing Flamestriker and the Flamedealing Strikedeather failing in that regard in the two previous attempts. This is not expected to impact the release of WotC's Digital Tabletop, which the Mega-Corp promises is coming out "very soon"…
March 15, 2058
United Republic of Bellevue—Erik Mona III, hereditary Publisher of Paizo Publishing and leader of the United Republic of Bellevue, announced today that in response to attempts of the WotC Mega-Corp to eradicate all life West of the Rocky Mountains, it would lead its followers to a new paradise 13.7 light-years away using discovered alien jump-gate technology. This trip will cost only $9.99 in Bellevue Credits…
20,000 years in the Future…
A man stood before a dying sun. The place his species originated had been lost due to the hubris of this carbon-based, bipedal race, so many, many light years away from this last outpost.
There were so few left, so few. And the others were dying even now, he knew it, so that he could do what must be done. He alone had the knowledge needed to the seed the knowledge of his people throughout the galaxy, so that perhaps whatever fantastic races came after his own could avoid his people’s mistakes, and would have a chance to live in harmony with the universe.
Breath did not come easy. In this last floating, battle-scarred city, the atmosphere was thin, almost gone. All the systems were offline, their power drained to support the launch of this golden satellite back into the heavens. He just needed to download the information into the--
A rusty creaking came from behind him. He turned. A Flamestrike Deathdealer Mark XXI, its auxiliary power readout showing almost gone, closed in, its dual ion blasters trained on his chest. He turned, hoping he was fast enough to do what needed to be done. He had to--
A green data disk fell to the floor, shattered.
The Deathdealer had exhausted its power. Its visual input screen went dark below lettering that now spelled “W z r” in the tongue of the Ancients. In a last message for creators who were long gone, it managed one more vocalization from ancient circuitry.
(EDIT: Where are my manners? This was submitted [a day early] for this month's RPG Bloggers Carnival)