With Christmas just a couple of days away, I thought it would be nice to ask some of the gaming companies out there if they had any sentiments for this holiday season. Here’s what they had to say:
Wizards of the Coast—We would like announce a new edition of Christmas. It’s the same as old Christmas, except you are limited to three gifts at any one time, Santa is now something called a Dragonborn, and the elves in his workshop can now teleport.
The Old School Renaissance—We would like Santa depicted as he was in 1857. Any references to Rudolph, Frosty, or the Little Drummer Boy are patently ridiculous, and have no place in the holiday.
Palladium Books—We’re blessed this holiday season, so you can keep it simple when getting a gift for us. Anything incorporating a chainsaw, several weapons-grade lasers, a rocket launcher, and a cybernetic plug-in should be fine.
Iron Crown Enterprises—We apologize for those of you who downloaded our 2008 Holiday Gift Quality Determination Chart. We know some of you are still working on the equations, and we apologize it has taken this long. However, several department heads at MIT have assured us they are close to a breakthrough.
White Wolf—Santa is a lie. All of Creation is a lie. The dark, edgy truth is that Santa is a meth addict and his reindeer are but the physical manifestation of his angst. Also, the carols shall be written in my blood. I have sent out a card. Some would name it holiday. In it you shall find 13,000 words of edgy fiction.
Outlaw Press—We know there has been some discussion about us using the work of others without permissions, and allegations of stealing art. We just want you to know the reason we’re standing here with your Christmas tree about to go up the chimney is that there’s a light that doesn’t light on one side. We’ll take it up to our workshop, and bring it back here. Honest.
RPGnet---[Sell Me On] Christmas. Hey, so what does everyone think of Christmas? Would it be good if I wanted a holiday with presents, a tree, and goodwill towards men? Or should I just use Wushu?
Ron Edwards—You’re all cowards. Christmas should be about gore and sex. Now buy my latest product.